(no longer) The Northernmost Jew

The Anchorage Press runs a haiku contest every year. I did not win :-( . Here are some of the winners I liked:

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One catagory thay had was on the PDF:

Plasma screen TV
Brand new refrigerator
Glad we have eight kids

- Jason Brandeis (who doesn't really have any kids)

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Another category was on Susan Butcher:

Thousand cold miles
yet sleds couldn't deliver
a cancer vaccine

- Matt Miller

a lonely dog howls
where is my owner at now?
mushing aurora

- Wes Schacht

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One category was "Stupid Tourist Question":

At the airport the
tourists wonder: How long has
Ted Stevens been dead?

- Rick Sinnott
(Anchorage's airport is "Ted Stephens International Airport", although Stephens is not dead yet.)

I entered this category, but did not win. Mine:

Pulls out his wallet
Confused, asks "Do you take A-
Merican money?"

Looks up at the sky,
frowns, then asks "When do you turn
On the Northern Lights?"

(According to the paper, a lot of people wrote ones about when or how we turn on the Northern Lights. Another question a few people wrote about was someone asking what their elevation was right at the ocean shore.)

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Winning haiku about gangs in Alaska:

Pants below your waist
And snow banks over your knees
Hard to be cool - Bro!

- Christopher Waalkes

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One category was "Alaska Girls". The winner and the 2nd place had different takes:

My girls in winter
Eat fresh snow from their mittens
And smell like damp wool

- Mara Severin, whose daughters are 5 and 1

A-town girls at dawn
Who else wears micro-minis
When it's eight below?

- Andrea Graves