Wednesday, April 12, 2006

151. חג כשר ושמח

Chag HaAviv? It is snowing here!

I am off to Anchorage. I will join Chabad tonight.

Pesach recomendation - The Chocolate Lady’s 2006 Vegetarian Peysekh Survival Guide


A few Pesach jokes for you:

.....A little boy once returned home from Hebrew school and his father asked, "what did you learn today?"
.....He answered, "The Rabbi told us how Moses led the children of Israel out of Egypt."
.....The boy said "Moses was a big strong man and he beat Pharoah up. Then while he was down, he got all the people together and ran towards the sea. When he got there, he has the Corps of Engineers build a huge pontoon bridge. Once they got on the other side, they blew up the bridge while the Egyptians were trying to cross."
.....The father was shocked. "Is that what the Rabbi taught you?"
....The boy replied, "No. But you'd never believe the story he DID tell us!"

.....Yoseph is an advisor to the king some time during the middle ages.
.....One summer afternoon the king calls him in. "I'm sorry," the king says, "I value your service, but I just can not have a Jewish advisor. I am getting too much pressure. You have to convert and become a Christian." Yoseph is unhappy about this, but accept. Sadly, he goes home to tell him wife, who is unhappy, but goes along with his descision.
....Yoseph (now Joseph) is unhappy about his descision, and struggles with his conscience for a few months. Finally, in the end of the winter he goes to see the king. "I'm sorry, your highness." he says. "I've tried, but I just can't live this way. I have to resume being Jewish."
.....The king nods. "OK, I will have to deal with that."
.....Relieved, Yoseph goes home to tell his wife. "You idiot!" she yells. "You did the right thing, but couldn't you have waited until after Pesach?"

.....Moses was sitting in the Egyptian ghetto. Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up.
.....Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:"You, Moses, heed me ! I have good news, and bad news.
....."Moses was staggered. The voice continued:"You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel from bondage. If Pharaoh refuses to release your bonds, I will smite Egypt with a rain of frogs"
....."You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to the Promised Land. If Pharaoh blocks your way, I will smite Egypt with a plague of Locust."
....."You, Moses, will lead the People of Israel to freedom and safety. If Pharaoh's army pursues you, I will part the waters of the Red Sea to open your path to the Promised Land."
.....Moses was stunned. He stammered, "That's.... that's fantastic. I can't believe it! --- But what's the bad news?"
....."You, Moses, must write the Environmental Impact Statement."

I heard aversion of the second joke where the Jew is working for the Pope.

A very Happy Peysekh. Hope you get some signs of spring.
Chag Sameach from the Holy Land!
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